Assuming the best

Over the weekend I was at a show where large volumes of small items are sold. On one particular stand a lady was browsing the shelves pulling a large trolley bag with the top open. The stall holder accosted her and said, ‘I just wanted to say that because you have that bag open like that, every stall holder will be watching you like a hawk’. The lady thanked her and promptly closed the bag.
 
Observing this I was struck by the interaction. The stall holder did not accuse her of being a thief but achieved her aim of getting the bag less accessible with no unpleasant accusations or a scene. This was done by using a form of words that was not confrontational, that implied she had the customers interests at heart, that gave the customer the benefit of the doubt, that allowed the customer to retain her dignity and that assumed the best of the customer.
 
It struck me that these principles are a helpful formula when trying to address a sensitive or difficult issue. When trying to decide what and how to say something it can be hard to find the right form of words, so people often say nothing at all. Yet the communication approach can become clearer if you use a respectful tone and assume:
 

• The issue is an oversight and unintended
• The person is fundamentally good and doing their best
• You are giving the information for their benefit
• A stance that helps them preserve their dignity

 
Think of a recent example where you wanted to say something but were silenced by a fear of the potential reaction.

• If you adopted the assumptions above, what could you have said?
• How can these ideas help you address difficult conversations?