I do a great deal of training that gives managers the skills to coach their staff which invariably relies on helping them ask appropriate questions. I spend a great deal of time trying to explain how people react to directive instruction, even if it comes in the form of a questions. E.g. Have you thought of….. It can lead people to become obstructive and create defensiveness. In other cases, individuals lose confidence because the ‘instruction’ is taken to indicate that they are not capable of achieving the task without this direction. Whereas when we engage people with the problem solving, they feel more valued and experience a sense of agency. This feeling of self-direction and agency is a great motivator and this weekend I saw a very graphic display of this very phenomena in action.
My 3 year old grandson had just been allowed to put the tablet in the dishwasher so his mother asked him to put the box of tablets back in the cupboard. The little boy looked up at his mother and refused. He continued to insist that ‘Mummy do’ that! She asked him again very nicely and politely to carry out her request, but the little boy was not for changing his mind, despite an ongoing debate. Sensing a potential tantrum brewing I turned and said, ‘where do they belong, do you know?’ The little boy immediately picked up the box and returned it to its rightful home. Drama averted. Interesting how early we can see these patterns of behavior and how important it can be to remember this approach to managing staff as well as 3 year olds!
When do you catch yourself asking directive questions?
How can you engage people more in the problem-solving process?
When do you need to ask more engaging questions?
My 3 year old grandson had just been allowed to put the tablet in the dishwasher so his mother asked him to put the box of tablets back in the cupboard. The little boy looked up at his mother and refused. He continued to insist that ‘Mummy do’ that! She asked him again very nicely and politely to carry out her request, but the little boy was not for changing his mind, despite an ongoing debate. Sensing a potential tantrum brewing I turned and said, ‘where do they belong, do you know?’ The little boy immediately picked up the box and returned it to its rightful home. Drama averted. Interesting how early we can see these patterns of behavior and how important it can be to remember this approach to managing staff as well as 3 year olds!
When do you catch yourself asking directive questions?
How can you engage people more in the problem-solving process?
When do you need to ask more engaging questions?
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